I’m a new mom in New Jersey currently on maternity leave from my job.  Before I was an all day mom to one person, I was an all day pseudo-mom to 21 third graders for the good half of the last decade.  I loved my job so much.  And don’t get me wrong.  I am NOT one of these people who need to work for the rest of their lives.  People say to me “Even if I was rich, I’d still work”.  Great for them.  Not me.

I am the most active, energetic person I know and without a shred of doubt I know never working again would work just fine for me.

And yet, as my maternity leave begins to approach the end,  I feel torn of the road I need to choose.  And it’s from everyone’s polite and seemingly innocent questions.

So, do you miss it?

Do I miss sitting with the girls I work with and laughing on Monday mornings about our weekends? YES! Do I miss the feeling of satisfaction when a kid learns something and it clicks?  ABSOLUTELY! Do I miss getting paid on the first and the fifteenth of the month?  OF COURSE! Do I miss having two 42 minute a day breaks that no one can interrupt and which allows me to go to the bathroom?  MOST OF ALL.

I will never ask someone this question again now that I’m a mom.  It’s the worst question ever.  And before you’ve started answering it, you find you are making excuses.

” Yes I miss the social aspect…but I wouldn’t give it up for anything”

” Yes I miss going in, but, of course, I love being home.

” No, I don’t miss it, but of course, I miss the money”

I worked full time and was good at what I did.  Loved my kids, my administration, my co-workers, and even loved the work.  Could do without lock down drills, lengthy emails, and lice, but nothing is perfect.

But with no guilt I can answer this question for you.

Yes, I miss my job.  I miss so many aspects of it that sometimes it hurts that it’s become like a memory of an old me.  I miss the money, I miss the kids, I miss my friends.  But I also miss college and being single with the girls.  And yet, I wouldn’t go back to those in a second.   Because if I’ve learned anything from the past 10 months it’s that I would choose my worst day at home with Maggie over my best day at school.  Everytime. 

Is being home what you expected?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  GOOD ONE.

Whatever I expected ended the second that 6 pound baby popped out of me and was placed on my belly.

Until you are a mom, you cannot, CANNOT understand what it’s like to be home with a person who is learning to be alive.  I mean you get it, they don’t sleep, they cry a lot, it’s going to be hard.   But whatever this insanely fabulous blur of time is, it cannot be understood until you’ve actually lived it.

 

You can prepare, study, and learn but whatever I expected isn’t even in the same realm of reality anymore.

If I expected to be bored by not working then that is not the case.  I’m never bored.  I’m always on.  I’m always mommying.  Is it hard? Nope, never.  There is nothing hard about what I do.  I think after working for years it would be easier if it was hard.  The hardest part of what I do are the long rainy days of watching Mr. Turtle swing on the playmat, and stacking cups over and over again.  The hardest part of my old job was making it all fit in by the end of the week.  The hardest part of my new job is filling it by the end of the week.  I’ve been reprogrammed.

These are the questions I hear the most.  What are the ones you hear the most?