Manners.  They have evolved. And I hate it.

The golden rule of manners was always “please” and “thank you”.  Most of our parents were insane on this one, and I’m very grateful for that.  Mama G put it into my head very early that manners were expected and not suggested.

The new golden rule seems to be somewhere between “Silence your cell phones at an event” and “Look up when So-and-So is talking to you”.

Listen, I love trashing technology.  Love it so much.  But, let’s be realistic, I’m sitting here writing a blog, and I’m not doing it with a ballpoint pen, so I get that it is a necessity and part of the times.  However, I think that manners are becoming as dying an art form as writing a letter.

I have this beautiful baby that I want to be polite.   But in the age of go-go-go we all get lazy.  But if I have learned anything it is that she is my mini-me and she gets it all.  What I do, she does.  My habits, faces, and words will become hers as well.

That said, boy, have I been minding my manners.  But after almost a year, I think I’ve narrowed it down to the three people and habits that have hit home the most.

Saying Hello to the Random Passerby

We run a lot.  We walk a lot.  We peruse the grocery store a whole lot.  Let me tell you, I greet every single person we pass with a smile and a hello.  I’d say one third of the people smile back.  One third completely and utterly ignore me.  And one third are definitely just confused.

This one started when I used to run at the local reservoir.  I noticed I fell into this preposterous habit of running past people with dogs and saying “Hey there pup”.  THAT’S RIGHT.   I’d say hello to the DOG and NOT the owner.  Like, would absolutely ignore their existence.   I didn’t mean it rude, and honestly, when people say hi to Maggie in a store and not me I don’t get insulted, but still…I was not being my best self.  Time to change.  My cousin and I run and now I’ve made her hyper aware of it as well.  We run five miles and say hi to everyone.  And the reactions, non reactions, and confusion are hilarious.

I challenge you to say hello when you are out with your baby.  Hi is one of Maggie’s first words and she isn’t afraid when we meet and greet people.  The people may change, but the greeting is always the same.

Alexa

“Alexa, set the timer for 10 minutes”

“Alexa, play songs from Frozen”

“Alexa, what is Betty White’s birthday?

I have never been more rude to anyone than I am to Alexa.  It hit me a few days ago.  Maggie was at my ankles and I was cooking dinner and I felt like a very stereotypical 5 PM mom.   And boy, was I barking out orders like it was no one’s business.  Timers, music, weather, volume, skip song.  And then it hit me.

I’m home alone a lot.  Some days Alexa is the best friend I’ve got.  Maggie doesn’t understand she is a piece of technology.  She just will learn that I speak to Alexa the way I talk to Daddy and Grandma and Uncle Joe.  And here I am, fifty demands in and not a please to be found.

Let me tell you I have been saying please and thank you to Alexa ever since.  I might sound like a fool.  But I’d rather be a polite fool than an impolite normal person.  And if we are ever out and I hear Maggie say to someone’s Alexa “Play Frozen please” I’ll be the most proud Mama in the world.

Honestly, I wish there was a setting on Alexa to make it where she didn’t work without a please or thank you.

IT SOUNDS CLICHE…BUT…OUR ELDERS.

My life has slowed down a lot.  I don’t run as fast as I used to, and I find I take my time a lot more.  I don’t want to rush one moment and want to actually enjoy each moment while I’m in them.  And since then, my patience towards the elderly has changed.

Listen, I was never rude.  But if I was waiting on line at the pharmacy and they were up there asking questions I’d be looking at my watch and internally rolling my eyes.  I’m sorry.  I was in a rush.

And I was in the wrong.

When I see them now I make a big grand gesture when they turn around of giving them a big smile and saying ” No problem, take your time”.

And sometimes when I slow down it seems you can find opportunities to help them.  Getting the door.  Picking up that penny you know damn well you would have left on the floor.  When they stop me to talk about the baby in the grocery store I stop.  Like, actually stop.  And look them dead in the eye.  They are stopping their day to be kind to me, and they have raised their kids and lived their lives, and deserve my respect.   And they deserve Maggie’s respect as well.

Is it real?

You’ll hear me say time and time again…We are what we do.  If you lie all the time, you’re a liar.  If you cry all the time, you’re a crier.  If you give all the time, you’re generous.  I’ve started doing a lot of things in my life that weren’t me as I did them.  However, the more I do them, the more genuine they become .  I’ve become much more polite being a mom.  Much more patient.  Much more kind.  And that is enough to give me a mommy for the win moment.