Today my baby turns one.
My baby is a one year old.
I have a one year old.
I have a baby.
How did this happen?
I think the most reflective day any mom has in the first year is today. Today is the first time since Mags was born that I can look back to this exact date and have a comparison. I’ve been thinking of how grateful I am all day. For Mags. For Easy E. For our parents.
But, at the end of the day I’m going to be completely selfish and indulge in the selfish things I’m most grateful for today.
I’m skinny again. Or Close Enough.
I gained a lovely 50 pounds in my pregnancy and have lost 47 of them. And while I was skinny before the baby, it did not come off easy. It was a mix of eating healthy, running, T25, boring self control, and motivation. But I look back at photos a year ago and am relieved.
I’m not a new mom anymore.
Watching my friends recently have babies I’m so happy to not be them anymore. It’s like when you get married and look at your friends who are still dating. Somewhere in the midst of googling, panicking, trouble shooting, and texting I’ve gained confidence in my choices and being a mother. While of course there is the occasional reach out to a friend for advice I’ve learned to trust my gut.
I’m not Pregnant Anymore
For some people pregnancy is beautiful. My mom said it was the best she ever felt. I wish I could say that since I enjoy everything. But half the things I love to do you CAN’T do to full capacity while pregnant and I missed sleeping and missed a life without backache.
I Sleep. And Shower.
And not in the “3 hours of sleep” or “Shower Blitz way”. Like 9 solid hours and a good 10 minute shower. Mommy for the win.
Today I lived my best life
If you told me a year ago I’d be out with my one year old jogging 5 miles followed up by a picnic at the park I’d have cried with joy. I couldn’t run a year ago. Couldn’t envision past the next nursing session. Couldn’t imagine a world with sleep.
I breastfed a year.
Listen, I’ll never be one of those crazies out there, it’s been a super rewarding experience for me. Mags only nurses once a days now and that will be gone soon. But I’ve sustained her little body from conception to now and that makes me feel like a superhero. Breast pumps, frozen milk, nipple butter were foreign words a year ago.
Me and Easy E made it:
Easy E is called that for a reason. He’s calm. Stable. Loving. But this first year is hard. Not all of it. Not for us. But the beginning was hard. A lot of morning apologies for overnight snaps. A lot of no longer going out like we used to. A lot more talks about money. A lot more talks about plans. Going to parties and playing divide and conquer. It was work at times. And I’m so grateful we made it through this year stronger.
I’m still me
I still drink. Go out. Get an occasional massage. Get my nails done every few weeks. Laugh. See friends. Get frisky with Easy E. Cook. Run. For awhile after Mags was born I lost me. But slowly but surely, like the little sleep you get allotted at the beginning I found my way back to myself.
We made it
For what it’s worth, she is healthy, happy, and going strong. Feeling as clueless as any other new parent we entered this and there’s that sigh of relief we have one year of experience under our belts. You go new moms. You got this.